How to Talk to Your Senior Loved One About Moving into Assisted Living

It’s a conversation all children dread having with their parents. In fact, you may have been putting it off entirely too long now, wondering how to bring up the idea of moving into an assisted living facility without sounding like you’re kicking them out of their own home. 

You’re not alone in this struggle. It’s one of the most emotionally loaded conversations families face, and there’s no perfect way to do it. But there are ways to make it easier and more respectful for everyone involved.

What Matters To Them

Instead of leading with your worries about their safety, begin by asking about their own experiences and feelings.

“Mom, how are you feeling about managing the house these days?”

“Dad, I noticed you mentioned feeling lonely since Mrs. Johnson moved away. Tell me more about that.”

“What’s been the hardest part about living here lately?”

These conversation starters invite them to share their perspective first. You might be surprised to learn they’ve been having similar thoughts about their living situation and might be open to moving into assisted living. 

Focus on What They’ll Gain

When you do bring up assisted living, frame it around the positives rather than what they’re losing.

“I saw this beautiful community that has a really active book club. You’ve always loved discussing novels with other people.”

“The place I visited has a garden where residents can grow their own vegetables. I know how much you miss your tomatoes.”

Talk about social opportunities, activities they enjoy, or services that could actually improve their quality of life.

Address Their Pushback with Understanding

They’ll likely have objections. Here’s how to respond to common concerns:

When they say, “I’m not ready for a nursing home.” You respond: “This isn’t a nursing home, Dad. It’s more like having your own apartment with some extra help when you need it.”

When they say, “I can take care of myself just fine.” You respond: “I know you can, and I admire your independence. This would actually help you stay independent longer by having support available.”

When they say, “It’s too expensive.” You respond: “Let’s look at the numbers together. When we add up home maintenance, utilities, and the help you might need, it might not be as different as you think.”

Make the Decision Together

Don’t present this as a decision you’ve already made. Instead, make them part of the solution.

“Would you be willing to visit a few places with me? Just to see what’s out there?”

“What would be most important to you in a living situation like this?”

This approach helps them feel like they have control and input in the decision.

Timing Is Everything

Choose a moment when they’re feeling relatively good and you both have time to talk without rushing. Avoid bringing it up right after a fall or health scare when emotions are running high.

This is not a decision that has to be made today, so don’t expect one conversation to cover everything. This is an ongoing dialogue, not a single discussion.

Your senior loved one has spent decades making their own decisions. Approaching this transition with respect for their autonomy, while expressing your genuine care for their well-being, gives you the best chance of finding a solution that works for everyone.